Trudy's Paranoia

In the story "Amahl and the Night Visitors: A Guide to the Tenor of Love" from Lorrie Moore's Self Help, we are prompted to decide for ourselves whether or not Moss, the boyfriend of the main character in the story, Trudy, is cheating on his girlfriend. Trudy has suspicions that Moss is lying about staying out and coming home late due to his constant rehearsals, but that instead he is having an affair with another woman. As the story progresses and more and more evidence is uncovered that points towards the notion that Moss is in fact having an affair with another woman, Trudy gets more and more paranoid and obsessive about the situation as a whole. This creates an unhealthy cycle in which Trudy's suspicions initially cause no drastic changes in the relationship, but simply badger and wear Moss out over time, as he slowly grows annoyed with Trudy's behavior. One possible angle in looking at it is that Moss simply stays out late not to have an affair, but to avoid his constantly paranoid girlfriend who won't even let the cat out of the house, which in turn causes Trudy to grow even more paranoid as Moss is out more and for longer time periods. This entire dynamic and lack of communication between the two characters results in a deteriorating relationship which neither of them address or attempt to improve. In reality, whether Moss is cheating on Trudy or not doesn't matter in itself, but instead it is the obsessively paranoid behavior of Trudy that acts as the catalyst for this gradual deterioration and eventual end of the relationship.

Starting from the second of Trudy's "diary entries" in the story, Trudy already expresses her beliefs that Moss may be cheating on her. She is met with a slightly sarcastic response and ends the entry right there, but her suspicion is still present and has grown since that night, as we can see in the scene where Moss and Trudy invite the principals to dinner the before the rehearsal. Sonia asks about the strange noise that the cat is making by rolling around a marble in the bathtub, and Moss replies: "It's the beast," says Moss. "We should put her outside, Trudy. He pours Sonia more wine, and she murmurs, "Thanks" (103). By making this comment, Moss essentially aligns himself with Sonia in this scene, and more importantly detaches himself from Trudy. He knows that Trudy absolutely adores the cat, and by ruthlessly calling it a "beast", he is calling Trudy out on something she refuses to do: take the cat outside. Normally this wouldn't be too big a deal, as Moss complains about the cat often, but what's important to observe is how he follows up his comment. Moss follows his comment by simply pouring Sonia more wine, but what's important is Trudy's reaction to this, when she immediately jumps up to go and get the marble from the cat. Trudy is so paranoid from Moss' previous comment when he connected with Sonia that she  feels threatened by this simple act of pouring wine. It's as though she is made so uncomfortable by the thought of Moss cheating on her with Sonia that she feels the need to physically jump up out of her chair, using the excuse of the marble as a way to excuse and recompose herself.

This whole scene gains a lot more meaning when Trudy questions Moss about whether or not he is seeing Sonia later in the book. The fact that even eleven days after the dinner, Trudy believes Moss is involved with Sonia shows how paranoid she is, as she is connecting this entire theory to Sonia almost solely based on the simple interactions that occurred between her and Moss at the dinner. Moss is evidently annoyed by this though: "Stop," says Moss. "You're being my wife. Things are repeating themselves. [...] "Trudy You've got to stop this. [...] "I'm going out to get a hamburger. Do you want anything?" (108). Moss is tired of the paranoid Trudy's constant fretting that he is cheating on him, and repeatedly tells her to stop doing what she's doing; he's getting fed up with her. After hearing Trudy say the same things again, Moss states that he is leaving to go get a hamburger twice. Here Trudy's apprehensions about the relationship are actually driving Moss away, as he simply feels annoyed by her and thus feels the need to go and get a hamburger to get away from her. The fact that he must say it twice only reinforces this notion and exacerbates the fact that Trudy's obsession is tearing the relationship apart.

Trudy's paranoia, in particular her lack of knowledge of her own obsessive nature, culminates with the final scene outside of Sammy's bar. Trudy sees Moss walking with Bob out of the bar and states: "Well, Moss. Here all along I thought it was Sonia, and it's really Bob" (110). This shows the extent to which Trudy will take her obsession over the relationship. Even if she is slightly joking in this scene, the fact that she would even go to the point of making a statement like that depicts the desire she has to know anything and everything that's going on with Moss. For Moss, however, this is the last straw, as he tells Trudy to "Fuck off" and charges towards the exit. Trudy desperately runs after him not even knowing what she was doing wrong, showing just how oblivious she is to her behavior and absolute disregard of personal space/time in the relationship. Whether or not Moss is having a separate affair or not, he draws the line as this scene, yelling at Trudy that the reason he is so angry is that she "just won't let people be" (111). Moss essentially sums up the situation with this sentence, implying that the reason he has been away from her so often is that he simply can't handle her constant nagging anymore. Ever obsessive, Trudy makes one last desperate attempt to restore the relationship, which ends up simply angering Moss even more as she's essentially doing the exact things Moss told her he hated. Moss leaves, once again stating that he's going to get a hamburger, effectively showing that Trudy's paranoia and obsessive nature about the relationship and Moss in general plays a major role in the separation of the characters.